TT____________________TT

SO SAD AND JELLY, FJALSFJALKFJSALKFJ. One last tour :C and the L.A. one is sho fruggin expensive but omg the lineup *O*

/CREYSSSSSSS

WHAT A PARTYYYY! Even though it was quite stressful and I’m a paranoid hostess…TWAS GOOOD <333 dat waterballoon fight, bp, jam sess, chill vibes~~

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE THAT CAME! <3333 a big shoutout to my LDC buddies, Brian and Andrew, ESPECIALLY coming all that way from Castro Valley &San Mateo, GAHHH, LUBZ YOU GUISE.

another big thank to all the people who got me cakes & surprised me and everything! DAWWWWWW, now I have like 5 cakes to get fat with….ALSO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT GOT ME GIFTS <33333 I LOVE YOU GUYS. 

A BIG THANK YOU TO BINH FOR ALL THE AMAZING PHOTOS. ALSO PEOPLE WHO ASKED TO HELP OR SUCKED UP TO MY PARENTS, LOLOL. + for those who helped me with getting me stuff! MUAH :*

gahhh, I have amazing friends <333 a goodass way to end the last weekend before college and school <3333333

iunno if I’m PMSing or something,

but fjadslfkjfkjsdajflss.

I feel meh….meh.

IUNNO, FUCK THIS. idk how I even feel right now,

maybe I’m realizing that I’m starting to like you more than you like me. maybe I have this hunch that you just want this to be a fling. maybe I really don’t want it to. maybe I know I’m already fucking attached. maybe I feel like you’re losing interest. maybe I’m scared of the future. maybe I’m scared of losing someone again. 

We haven’t even really ‘talked’ recently, and iunno man but meh. You’re still a mystery to me, and you still have a shitload to learn about me - and a part of me doesn’t want you to know about my past cause it is shittttt

Do I want to become vulnerable again?

because shit, I think I already am.

I feel like I’ve been trying harder/more/whatever. Mmmm…a part of me feels ‘guilty’ and kinda why I’m trying so much - ugh wtf.

And it’s different this time. All the past ones, I wasn’t as worried about their feelings nor did I pursue them more than they pursued me. IUNNO, for once I’m more of worried about the other’s ‘feelings’….

Yup, my beginning hunches are still correct!

I’ve been succumbing so much too -.-

So much for a goodass month of pure bliss.

I wish we didn’t fucking kiss that day (as nice/cute/a bit romantic as it was). I was already happy &content with just the holding hands progress we made…#WHY. UGHHHHHHHHHHH. I’ve actually even refused you at times, which is a first aka surprising, but also something I’m trying to work on. CALMOUTH DOWN. Stop escalating/ pushing it first cause then I can’t stop, fjdaslfjl. I’M TRYING, BUT YOUS NOT HELPING…..I KNEW IT -___- IKNEWITIKNEWIT, I don’t/didn’t want it to become another one of those, and great now it is. 

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR EMOTIONS? FOR ONCE, FOR ONCEEEE it was emotions > physical. what the fck happened.

I just want to talk to you :CCCCC

as simple, as pure as it sounds. I miss those endless nights where we would never run out of anything to say; the 1st time we hung out and could just talk about anythingg

.

I just want to be fucking happy, and I fucking just want something real for ONCE.

what’s wrong with me ? :C

why can’t I have a real relationship for once,

I’m just tired of this.

I hate of always being exclusive, of hiding. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to brag and publicize every fucking shit - but you know, a picture together/ post/ or SOMETHING every now &then is nice.

like why so ‘shameful’? or iunno how to describe it…scared? wary? 

I want a guy to proudly hold my hand, I want a guy to proudly put his hand over my shoulder - ‘yeah, this is my girl.’ To not be afraid of what others think, to brush off the teasing cause you’re just simply happy that you’re with this person. I mean, I am gooood being private/ just between us - as long as we both understand each other and have mutual feelings, etc. But damn, a girl gets tired of always being hid away, we like to be shown off sometimes ya know? 

I mean I was happy, but now I’m just afjsldjflafjds. The ‘chase’ really is the best… and now iunno. It’s just….different, like meh, like fjalfsjlfj. 

start detachment process? If it isn’t gonna work out already, if your mindset is already like that - might as well right?

NO EXPECTATIONS, NO DISAPPOINTMENTS.

It’s a 2-way street.

And now we’re kinda at the point where online is just small talk, and the real talks are phone and/or real life. Come onnnn, so online/ technology dependent - phone/ skyping/ REAL LIFE just has a deepness to it~

I just want to talk to you TT______TT (voice wise, live wise).

You’ve been giving me a lot of excuses too -_____- just sayin’

I mean, REALLY?…..

#whyamItryingsohard #stopit

actually,

you kinda, semi suck? or not as great at being a “boyfran” (okay so weird, cause I can’t even use that term -___-) okay, reword - at being a person’s ‘boy.’ WELL IN COMPARISON,

[*sidenote]…..I miss your good morning messages, I miss the ‘i miss you’s, I miss your compliments, I miss the goodnight kisses :(((

no awkward-we’re-both-online-but-neither-of-us-are-gonna-talk -.-

I’ve been dying, sighs. And you’re probably oblivious to everything cause you’re not even fucking trying as much/ anymore/ whatever…

well, this kinda started off about you but now it’s just a mixture of my thoughts about EVERYTHING - the past, present, future. My issues, my wants, my wishes. 

.

thanks for the unexpected talk, but wow my thoughts right now…a bit eye opening

damn my emotions rinnow and god I hate being like a girl -.-

FUCK AM I A FUCKING GIRL

the downfall of having a big heart and always caring so much, AGAIN…

okay, kudos to overthinking to the max

but them questions, them doubts.

FUCK FEELINGS MAN

• making Mac&Cheese @ 12am in the morning for Vegetarian Day tomorrow - pretty failz Earth Week T____T
• ENGLISH PAPER, jflajfslfjlasj. Remember them 12 page papers? yeah, 7 pages now suddenly feel like 15 -____- this paper is so le crap though, LAST CRP EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AT PRES
• APES long overdue homework + still haven’t made up the test, lawlz.
• Social Justice paper…what are we even supposed to do .____.
• must.ace.calc’s.formula.quiz.

&I still needa take a shower and exercise, ugh. But I found the mother’s viet coffee :3 :3 :3

this week has been quite crazy & busybusy, too much double-booking :C

OH & I just gotta say - did not know at all that there was a physics quiz today + I missed 2 classes out of 3, BUT I THINK I DID PRETTY BOSS, WOOTWOOT

meh. recently, I’ve been looking quite unattractive aka ugly. #donotlike

+ my arms look herra bad -______- fat & semi-muscular? whutwhut. #DO.NOT.LIKE.

CHYEAHHH, I GOT ONE OF IT :D HAPPINESS

trivia question I got right for AP GOV Jeopardy game…except this was from the misc. category, LULLZ. first time ever anybody answered:

BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS

how do I even know this? keke, idk, I just had a fascination for this little thing sometime in middle school and I think I did a bio project on it frosh year :3

SO YEAH, BUT YAYAYAYA FOR GETTING A TRIVIA QUESTION RIGHT

oh & Mumper’s emails xD

“Unfortunately, the sub gave you all a worksheet. I’m not sure how that mix-up occurred. But do NOT do it. Well, you can if you want to. But that would be weird. Don’t be weird”

LUUUULLZZZ

I’M GETTING THE HANG OF IT :D

a lot of yelling & frustration at times…dad is not a good teacher D; he’s basically “here’s a car, now go drive” and he wants me to be independent so I basically learn by myself T_T ugh, but when I parked pretty good I was, “AHHH, WOOH, YAYAYA”

jayseoul:

Mom :  Airiii !!! ONEW IS ON TV.
Me:  WHAT? WHEREE !!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????
Mom: Look ! - points at TV -

YOU GUYS IT WAS A FUCKING CHICKEN ON TV.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

love-xtc: